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He asked her to help him choose a couch and then spooned with her on all the floor models. As we learn from the podcast “Reply All,” which reported the tale, Suzanne was not the only woman on whom John had chosen to bestow his favor.Six months into their relationship, she discovered that he was seeing half a dozen other women, one of whom he’d been stringing along for two years.

But John, with his flair for saccharine cuteness and his insistence on treating his conquests like romantic-comedy heroines, didn’t like just to play or cheat, and he certainly didn’t like any of his girlfriends to suspect that they didn’t have his full attention. According to Moira Weigel, the author of “Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating” (Farrar, Straus & Giroux), most people are not like John in this respect.The process of testing out potential mates, and of being tested by them in turn, can be gruelling, bewildering, humiliating.Using another metaphor, Weigel compares the experience to being cast in a bad piece of experimental theatre: “You and a partner showed up every night with different, conflicting scripts.Every so often, one of his paramours would catch on and alert the others.Then he’d block them all on social media and begin the whole thing again.

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